Biker Laws:
As seen by Wild Buck Naked
This even goes for you golfer bikers. Even if you don’t know the difference between a Pan Head and a Shovel Head…..
Biker Law #1:
You always stop if another bike is broke down.
Have you ever been sitting at the bar making conversation with some new chick in town? You are on cool refreshment number 8, and it is time for the 1st trip to the outhouse. Life was so good when you left your cozy little stool. You come back to find Dick playing tongue hockey with the chick. Of course it starts raining on the way home for another…………
Biker Law #2:
Never leave you wing man, WRONG. Never trust your wingman. If he were not a dog you would not be friends.
You are rolling down the road looking for a cool adult beverage, then off in the distance you see the glow of that o so familiar neon. You pull into the empty parking lot, roll off you trusty old bike. Undress for 5 minutes, walk up to the door and CLOSED.
Biker Law #3:
Bartenders if there is a neon light turned on in your window, be open and serving cold beer.
In the immortal words of Rebel Ed ‘long hair and a black T-shirt don’t make you my Brother’.
Biker Law #4:
If you do not have a motorcycle, if you have never had a motorcycle........YOU are not a biker.
Ever taken a quick putt up to the corner bar, roll out thinking I’ll only be gone an hour at most, I know its February but it must be close to 65....70 out here. You run into some of your good time buddies & you’re drinking in some cross town bar an hour turns into two or ten, by now its dark and the temperature has dropped some 40 degrees.
Biker Law #5:
NEVER leave home without your LEATHERS.
If your back tire is wider than your sissy ass, Or your monkey ass is wider than your seat......
Biker Law #6:
Biker Law #6:
Buy a friggin motorcycle that fits you.
You’re in your local hangout...been hittin the juice all day, it’s last call you’re all drunk up. Your Brother’s saying Man, lets roll her in, I’ll buy you one more, my ol’lady’s sober, she can drive ya home I’ll come get ya tomorrow and bring you back. ‘OH HELL NO you aint leaving your scoot’, outside you saddle-up, you drop it to the left, they help you pick it up, you drop it to the right ...
Biker Law #7:
Don’t be an idiot, know when to say when.
You’re all ready to roll waitin around for the only man who knows the way around these parts to take the lead, he blast off outa sight leaving bikes scattered between lights and turns.
Biker Law #8:
When you LEAD THE PACK, lead the pack Dick, don’t leave the pack.
I spy with my Biker Dollar EYE....it’s that time of year Brothers & Sisters..... The ‘charity season’ and every Tom, Dick, & Mary wants a piece of your wallet; some of these Dicks would not toss water on your scooter trash head if you were on fire.
Biker Law #9:
Support Legitimate Biker Benefits, after all...it’s your Hard Earned Money.
I spy with my Biker Dollar EYE....it’s that time of year Brothers & Sisters..... It needs repeating....Businesses selling everything from soup to nuts wants a bike night or to be a poker run stop, then they want the last stop, Even FIRST & LAST stop with Sign-up $70, $4 beer, no band and dinner’s extra??? damn...........
Biker Law #10:
If you’re gonna get screwed, at least Get Dinner
Toe to toe you might have a chance, wheel to wheel you ain't gotta prayer...
Biker Law #11
Don't pick a fight with an 18 wheeler.
If your Good Time Buddy is fooling around with somebody else's Ol'Lady...
It's a good idea not to park your scooter next to his.
Biker Law #12
Shotguns & sheet metal don't mix.